A life with art

Art is around us everywhere we go, whether we take notice of it or not. When I was a child, I was always seen as the creative one who designed her Valentine's Day cards with extra care and extra flamboyance. As I grew older, with my thoughts and talents, my creativity diminished. I witnessed other student's artworks and abilities, intimidated and I ultimately gave up any hopes on pursuing an artist's life.

As I glided through high school with no real care or stress, I changed my choice of major like I changed my clothes. My love for animals led me to thinking of a career as a vet, but then I realized that I may not have the strength to surgically operate on an animal. This also crossed medical school out of the list.

I was enrolled in honors english/reading classes since 7th grade, and honestly I thought I was a bright, intelligent student, the only thing holding me back was my lack of drive and constant dilatoriness. I ended up with the title of a C average student, which now infuriates me, but beforehand flew through my mind. In high school, I was enrolled in AP/honor classes and was competing against classmates who knew exactly what university they wanted to attend. It was not until my junior year (when it was too late) that I realized I would be denied to any California University.

I fell into deep stress and slight depression realizing that I wasted time. I ignored the nagging persistence my parents pressed on me, advising that I focus on school. Looking back now, I did nothing worth losing the opportunity of attending a UC. Yeah, I was accepted to the only university I applied to (but then again who didn't?) and now I am stuck at an uneventful community college where there is a lack of communication and desire to connect with other students. Students, who vary from the ages of 18-50, attend class, listen attentively (or gain sleep) in lectures, and go home.

When attending an university, where one's new home is a dorm, one is forced to communicate, to converse, to make friends, or else you are completely alone. All students are in the same situation, which makes it easier.

But instead of dwelling on events I cannot change, I shall look forward and hope for the best. Maybe UCLA will give me honor of acceptance to their school. Or Syracuse University might help lead me to a new life in a completely new environment. Unfortunately, I might stay in the OC, attend a school I so deeply tried to ignore from the beginning. Let's see what the future brings.

I completely went off topic, originally thinking of writing about my major, but that will be spoken of in the future x

Word Vomit

I thought I'd start a blog, just to release my thought somewhere and keep them from drowning in my head. My writing needs improvement, and I hear constantly that if you keep writing and writing (and also reading!) your writing does really improve. So, here's to hoping that my writing becomes impeccable (is this possible?)

Now I can't say that all my writing here will be perfect, it might just be word vomit. I'll speak my mind, and ramble a bit too much probably.

I'd like to start off with a quote by one of my favorite authors, Albert Camus, which he states in The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays.

“I know simply that the sky will last longer than I.”

I'd have to say there is no quote that speaks as much truth as this. I was raised Catholic, but basically, one of those Catholics who was baptized but rarely attended church on Sundays (or any other day). As the years have passed and my thoughts and ideals have developed, I would have to state that I am not, nor ever will be, a religious person.

Towards the end of high school and part of my first year of college, I considered myself "agnostic." This was a false state of mind and as I think more and more about religion, God, or a "greater" power, my mind is a clutter confused with the endless possibilities floating around in this world.

Truly, the only thing we as humans are sure about is birth, death and that there are things that will outlast us indefinitely (like the sky). With religion, why do we let a book control our lives? Why do we look upon someone else when dealing/controlling with our own lives? Why do people believe in fate? or in destiny? In my opinion, it is because they are scared. We look upon "God" when we deal with the questionable. We do not know why death happens, especially to certain people. We do not know why there is illness in the world, why there is poverty, famine. We hope that in the end, all the suffering and pain will be worth it in "heaven."

I say we have 99% of control on our lives. We decide how we react and how to move forward. I'll continue this in my next post.